Total filmy Bollywood chat :)

Posted December 28, 2008

This is what happens when Software Engineers of Indian IT (information technology) firms get bored and have loads of free time on their hands… (just like Dilbert here)

1:03 PM Raj: chain se sona hai to jaag jao

1:04 PM sannaate ko cheertee huyi SANSANIIII…..

57 minutes

2:02 PM Raj: kya be so gaya kya?

Vijay: ek masooom ladki ke saath dushkarm karte hain policy officer

andhere ko cheerti hui sansaaniii

2:03 PM Raj: kone k ek workstation par baithi ek abla nari par jarbarjasti ashleel harkat karte huye Vijay

Vijay: ek gaoon se aai IT mein kaam karne waali baaaalaaa

2:04 PM ne hamko bataya

kaisse

uske saaath

Raj ne ki battamizzi

agar aap so rahe hain to JAAAAG jaieye

Raj: raat ko call centre par kaam karke lautati huyi 4 ladkiyon mein se 2 hi ghar pahuchi…

2:05 PM aakhir baki 2 ladkiyon k sath kya huwa

kyun wo ghar nahi pahuchi

Vijay: yeh ham aaapko dikhaenge

ek break ke baad

Raj: kahi koi darinda unke sath jabarjasti to nahi kar raha tha

iske peeche chupe hain kai sawal

jinke jawab hum aapko batayenge break k baad

2:06 PM chain se sona hai to jaag jaeeye

2:07 PM Sannaate ko chirti huyi…..SANSANI…..

Vijay: abey ab kisne shuru kiya

tune kiya na

Raj: nahi sansani ne/……:D:D

wo character yaad aa gaya…to maine thoda play kar diya….nothing much…:D

2:08 PM Vijay: ok

aaj kaam nahi hai kya

Raj: kar liya jo kaam tha

Vijay: i am free

2:09 PM getting very bored

Raj: naye rules likhe the…unka documentation karna tha

kar diya…kaam khatam

Vijay: ok

2:10 PM i am searching for a cool new phone man

next series kab aayegi motorola ki

Raj: tereko maloom hai…

wht are Enums??

go for Motorokr

Vijay: Enums..

suna hua lag raha hai

kya hota hai ?

Raj: u wont get ne other phone cooler to it

**bleep**

2:11 PM m asking u

Vijay: google kar le

Enums…….

Raj: well…i know it…but want to get more clearer

neway leave it

Vijay: i’ll check

2:12 PM Raj: hey…m gona go for lunch…cya

2:13 PM Vijay: bye

16 minutes

2:29 PM Vijay: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enumerated_type

29 minutes

2:58 PM Raj: U “R” a geek…..:D

2:59 PM Vijay: MATLAB ?

Raj: i mean u sent Vijay a link on the topic i asked

only geeks do tht

mind it…i called you a geek…not a genius

Vijay: abey padh le ache se samjhaya hai

Raj: geeks surf and search

3:00 PM while genius…..explains

Vijay: haan i know

3:02 PM Raj: ye din dekhne se pehle tune mujhe utha kyun nahi liya…..

3:03 PM Vijay: tu bahut halka hai

building se kood ja ud jaega

Raj: ma ab tumhe thakur ke ghar par kaam nahi karna padega

meri 700 rs mahine ki naukari lag gayi hai

Vijay: abey pagal ho raha hai tu aajkal

hosh mein aa

Raj: choti ki saadi ab dhumdhaam se hogi

3:04 PM bablu k aankhon ka operation hoga aur bablu phir se dekhne lagega

Vijay: aur tumhare ghutne ke dard ka bhi elaj karva lenge

baapu ki motiyabind ka operation ho jaega

3:05 PM Raj: jao jakar uske signature le ke aao…jisne mere haath par ye likh diya tha

Vijay: abey **bleep**

kyon jhila raha hai

pehle tu uske signature leke aa jisne tujhe accenture mein job diya

Raj: ji malkin abhi aaya

ramu kaka….

3:06 PM aap kuch bolte kyun nahi

nahi ye nahi ho sakta

Vijay: ee ka hoi gaba.. .itna sannata kahe chaai rahit

meine dava de di hai ab patient khatre se bahar se

ab inhe dava se jyada dua ki jaroorat hai

Raj: ranjit…main tumhare bacche ki maa banane wali hoon

Vijay: we are sorry, ham maan aur baache dono ko nahi bacha paae

3:07 PM sooar ke pilloo

Raj: mujhe tujhe apna beta kehte huye bhi saram aati hai

kahan moo kala kar k aa rahi hai kalmuhi

Vijay: asteen ke saanp.. jis thaali mein khata hai usmein hi ched karta hai

3:08 PM ab naa mein tera baap hu.. aur na hi tu mera beta

Raj: iske ghar mein aate hi saari khusiyaan aa gayi hain

Vijay: saakshaat devi hai wo to

Raj: bahu…mujhe ek pota chahiye

is kul ko roshan karne wala chiraag chahiye

3:09 PM Vijay: tukde kar ke kutto ko khila dunga

Raj: aji sunte ho….saxena ji aaye hain tumse milne

aap baithiye…wo aate hi honge

Vijay: ::))))))))))))))))))

hamein ladki pasand hai

3:10 PM suno… aaj jaldi aa jaana .. sharma ji ke yahan chalna hai

Raj: ladki ko khana banana to aata hai na

aapki ladki ko hum apni bahu banane ko taiyaar hain

Vijay: kya tum mujh se shaadi karogi

isko tumne sir pe chadha ke rakha hai

Raj: ja beta bazaar se jara 2 rs ka raashan le aa

3:11 PM Vijay: bade baap ki bigdi hui aulaad hai wo to

maa meri naukri lag gai !

Raj: are ramu tu aa gaya….

aaj ghar mein anaaz ka ek dana bhi nahi hai…

kal raat ka thoda khana bacha hai….wohi kha le beta

3:12 PM Vijay: maa tum kya khaogi

meine to kha liya beta

kya kuch nahi kiya meine tere liye

Raj: judge sahab main bekasoor hoon

Vijay: aur aise din dikhaye tune

acha hota tujhe bachpna mein hi mar jaane deti

Raj: bataeeye 31 janauary ki raat 11 bajke 40 minute par aap kahan the

3:13 PM Vijay: ee ka

Raj: ye adaalat mujrim ranjit saxena ko ba-izzat bari karti hai

3:14 PM Vijay: aur kaidi Raj ko sajae maut sunati hai

Raj: chhodo na…koi dekh lega…

Vijay: dekhta hai to dekhne do.. ham darte hain kya..

Raj: ye tum kya kar rahe ho…aahhh

3:15 PM ye sab the filmon k gheese peete dialogues

Vijay: kya aap mr vijay ke dost hain…. aap ke liye ek dukh bhari khabar hai hamare hainpass*

kya aapne inko kabhi dekha hai

Raj: ab filmon mein kaisi galiyaan dete hain

3:16 PM Vijay: main kaun hu ?

mein kaha hu ?

Raj: kutte kamine…main tera khoon pee jaoonga

nalayak….begairat…behaya

and the latest from omkara

**bleep**

Vijay: **bleep** phoside **bleep**

Raj:

3:17 PM Vijay: ****bleep**** mein teri **bleep** daaluga

teri **bleep** mein **bleep**

Raj: abe adult filmon ki baat nahi kar raha main

Vijay: tere **bleep** mein duniya bhar ke **bleep** dunga

teri **bleep** dunga **bleep**

**bleep**

(gay)

Raj: are naashpeete

Vijay: bhopali

Raj: naashpeete

Vijay: kalmoohe

Raj: teri nasbandi karwa dunga

3:18 PM Vijay: tere **bleep** samundar mein baha dunga

tujhe machli ke baccho ka **bleep** dunga

tere se gadhi **bleep** ke

tere ko **bleep** dunga

Raj: tera nashbandi karwa dunga

Vijay: tere ko **bleeeeeep** hai

teri aankho se gotiya khelunga

3:19 PM Raj: aur jindagi bhar bharte rahiyo **bleeeeeeeeep** hawa

Vijay: saaman aa gaya hai boss

Raj: sala pump **bleep**

Vijay: inspector vijay ne phir hamare maal ko pakad liya

nahiiiiiiiiii ye nahi ho sakta

bachao ! bachao !

Raj: lagata hai uska kaam tamaam karna padega

Vijay: thoo hai tum sab napunsak logo pe

3:20 PM

Vijay: kabira speaking. aapki bacchi hamare kabje mein hai. agar usko jinda dekhna chahte ho to aaj shaam tak dhai crore rupaye paan ki tapri ke saaamne waale kooda peti mein daal dena

Raj: aapke haathon par ya aapke jangho par

Vijay: aur khabardaar agar police ko itillaa karne ki koshish ki to

3:21 PM Raj: tumhari beti k tukade tukade kar ke kutton ko khila denge

main tumse pyar karta hun sapna

Vijay: sir.. mujhe is naukri ki bahut jaroorat hai sir.. ghar pe maa bimaar hai…

3:22 PM Raj: ye aanshu hamein pasand nahi pushpaa

main aapka ye ehsaan jindagi bhar nahi bhulunga

Vijay: babuji…. babuji…. babbuuuuuuuuuuuujiii !!!!!!!!!

(on not finding babuji)

Raj:

:D:D:

Vijay:

:D:D

Raj: nahi babuji….aap humein chod kar nahi jaa sakte….nahiiiiiiiiiiii

Vijay: kya item hai bidhu

3:23 PM cha mai la

oooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnn hunjooonnnnnnnnnnr

Raj: aapne manthe ka sindoor ponch lo kajal….:(:((informer is cryin)

Vijay: dekhiye.. saal ki sabse badi hit

3:24 PM AAN AP KAAAN SUN ROON NR

Raj: …….

behno aur bhaiyon

Vijay: maan mein pass ho gaya !

Raj: behno aur bhaiyon

badhate rahiye

Vijay: ab chotti ke haath peele karva dete hai

Raj: badhate rahiye

sirf 2 rupaye mein dekhiye

3:25 PM ek laddki jo saanpon ko kha jati hai

maut ka kuwan

Vijay: maut ka kuwaan

Raj: aaiye…aaiye…aaiye

Vijay: mera jism bharat maata ke jitna paak hai

3:26 PM abey uth saand

yeh kya kiya… meine to sirf samjhane ke liye bola tha… tumne to usko maar hi daala

priya… mujhse bahut badi bhool ho gai hai priyaa…………….

3:27 PM shit yaar… is baar bhi pass nahi ho paaya

dil chotta nahi karte beta

Raj: mera beta jaroor apne khandaan ka naam roshan karega

3:28 PM aakhir beta kiska hai

Vijay: bilkul apne baap pe gaya hai

saab mein aapke paise lauta dunga saab

bas 2 din aur

AUR KITNE DIN LOGE

tum sab… iska makaan khaali karva do

saab… meri biwi bache sadak pe aa jaenge saap

3:29 PM Raj: agar 1 hafte ke andar tumne mera maal wapas nahi kiya…to mujhse bura koi nahi hoga

Vijay: arey dadduuu tum ?

Raj: tum ghabrao mat maa….ab main aa gaya hoon

uff tumhare aadharsh…..tumhare usool….

3:30 PM jin aadharson ki tum batein kar rahe ho….unhe goond kar ek waqt ki roti bhi nahi banayi jaa sakti hai

Vijay: inhi usooolo pe chalte chalte tumne kya paaya baapu…. kuch nahi

waah. !! encore encore !

kya dialogue delivery hai

ise dekho nautanki saala… abih tak so raha hai

3:31 PM meine aapko pehle bhi kahin dekha hai

Raj: mausi…..main aa raha hoon

Vijay: nahi nahi… wo shayad meri behan hogi

to kya ham rishta pakka samjhein

Raj: haan jaroor dekha hoga….main thakur saab ki haweli par kaam karti hun

Vijay: itna dahej kaha se launga samdhi ji… ye shaadi karvaane mein hi mein apne poora dhan daulat laga chuka hu

3:32 PM jaccha aur baccha dauno theek hain

Raj: aap is tarah ye rishta nahi tod sakte……kam se kam meri beti k bare mein to sochiye

wo bichari toot jayegi

3:33 PM Vijay: usko thode akelepan ki jaroorat hai

kya tum meri sangini banogi

kya tum mere saath poori jindagi bitaogi

o hansini

3:34 PM usko chodd de Ranjit… mein tere paise le aaya hu

thooo hai aise paison pe to

Raj: jis din se tumhe dekha hai…meri raaton ki neend gayab ho gayi hai…din ka karaar chala gaya hai

pehle bacche ko dikhaoo…..

kaka main yahan hoon

3:35 PM Vijay: tum jaante nahi ho mein kaun hu

Raj: nahi beta nahi….aisha mat kaho beta

Vijay: tumhari **bleee** tumhari **bleeeep** dunga

3:36 PM jindagi ki race mein to mein aage nikal gaya par apni family ko bhi is race mein kahi peeche bhool aaya

i am sorry beta…

Raj: kaise baap hain aap

Vijay: jab mein chotta tha… jab mujhe ek baap ki jaroorat thi.. tab kaha the aap…

Raj: mujhe to aapko baap kehte huwe bhi saram aati hai

Vijay: tabse hi ye daaru ki botal meri ma, baap.. meri sabkuch hai

3:37 PM jab mujhe akela pan lagta tha… tab aap mujhe paise de dete the

jab mujhe chot lagti thi… tab aap mujhe paise de dete the

nahi aap mere baap nahi hai

overruled

Raj: band kar to ise hawalaat mein

3:38 PM Vijay: nahi your owner… ye begunaah hai

mere paas saboot hain

Raj: inspector sahab…aap meri baat samajne ki kosish kijeeye

Vijay: insaaf andha hota hai

ee ka

chal bahut bakchodi kar li

Raj: kanoon k haath bahut lambe hote hain Raka

3:39 PM itne lambe ki wo khade khade dusare ka ***bleep lolz:D*** hain

Vijay: khush to bahot hoge tum aaj

yaar amitabh ki dialogue delivery ultimate thi yaar

3:40 PM Raj: aur dharmendra ki bhi

Vijay: abey chapadganju

Raj: aur apne rajesh khanna k bhi

i hate tears…pushpaa

3:41 PM answer this

Vijay: Once in a kindergarten, a teacher asked all students to write an essay on

the topic “A Poor Family”. One student gets the lowest marks for writing

that essay. The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire class

and her essay goes on as…….

She wrote:

Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono gareeb they,

do bachey they, woh bhi bahut gareeb they!!

Ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb they, ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi

bahut gareeb they. Ghar ke 4 kuttey bhi gareeb they, 2 din sey chicken nahi

khaaya tha.

3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi, ghar ka A.C

bhi theek nahi chalta tha, aur uppar se ghar mein 1 saal se paint nahi hua

tha!!

Family ko holiday ke liye foregin country gaye bhi 6 mahiney ho gaye they,

Ghar ke 5 mein sey 2 TV to chaltey hee nahi they!!!

All in all, bahut hi gareeb family thi!!

Raj: ek ladki ne apne baap ko ek pahadi se dhakel diya…..kyun…???

3:42 PM Vijay: kyo ki woh bahut gira hua insaan tha

Raj: nahi…..

kyunki…us ladaki kaa naam tha…

PUSH- Pa

:D:D:D:D::D

Vijay: /…

3:43 PM /..

|..|

../

Raj: Sodium kaun hai…..do u know????

Vijay: excercise seekho

yes

shahrukh khan

Raj: hehehe

u got it

3:44 PM who is the servent of brazilian football team

Vijay: dunoo

Raj: ramu “KAKA”

Vijay: <OK>

<OK/>

3:45 PM <a href=”hello”>aa</a>

Raj: why did james bond say….dhai another day??

Vijay: chutte nahi the

Raj: hehehhe

Vijay: imagine a world without borders

its not too difficult you see

3:46 PM Raj: ek ladaki ne apne TL se kaha…..mujhe java nahi aati kyun???

Vijay: use C/C++ aati thi

Raj: nahi

kyunki use wakai mein java nahi aati thi….hhhahahahah

Vijay: ok

chal mein ja raha hu ab

bahut bakwaas kar li

3:47 PM Raj: tum ja rahe ho

tum sachmooch ja rahe ho

Vijay: tum naih ja sakte

my phone bill this tile is going to cross 1.1 k

3:48 PM 1.1 crore

1.1 gazillion

1.1 trillion billion gazillion million

Raj: sale ambani ka bhi bill utna nahi aata hoga

3:50 PM chal yaar

bahut bollywood ho gaya aaj

3:51 PM ja tujhe baksh diya

5 minutes

3:57 PM Vijay: aapke usulooo ko goodh ke to do waqt ki roti bhi naih ban sakti

to hell with your principles

3:58 PM ab ham aapke saamne prastut kareinge software industry ke anmol takiya kalaaam sentences

s/w engg to boss — arey meine jab chalaya tab chal raha tha.. by god !

4:00 PM boss to s/w engg — jab to fresher tha tab teri ma ne mujhe tujhe paal poss ke bada karne ki kasam di thi

4:01 PM Raj: manager to resource: kitne bugs the??

Vijay: hehe

ye to mail banake likh sakte hain

Raj: resources 5 aur bugs 3….phir bhi nahi solve kar paye

bahut nainsafi hai

4:02 PM iski saza milegi

barabar milegai

Vijay: muhhahahahha

Raj: tumhar appraisal hold kiya jata hai

Vijay: i am getting married soon !

ee ka

4:03 PM tum meri izzaat to loot sakte ho… par mujhe apna nahi bana sakte

Raj: mujhe bas tumhari izzat hi to chahiye raani

4:04 PM Vijay: in chaar diwaaro mein kaid ho ke reh gaya hai insaan

meri brainwaves reflect ho jaati hain in chaar diwaro se… cubicle ki

4:05 PM society ki vikriti ho rahi hai

ham dekh rahe hai… baaki countries progress kar rahi hain….

sab bhaag rahe hain

Raj: humne mangi 80% increment

project bonus

performance bonus

Vijay: ham bhi bhaagne ki koshish kar rahe hain

Raj: hot skill bonus

aur tumne diya……chillar

4:06 PM Vijay: apne hi dosto – bhaiyo ko raundte hue ham bhaage ja rahe hain

Raj: ye kahan ka insaaf hai manager

Vijay: par kidhar

kyoon

Raj: is s/w roopi maya se jitna door rahoge…utna khush rahoge

4:07 PM aakhir kab tak…kab tak….apni khusiyon ko raundate huye…..apno ko bhula kar….dusaron k liye apne din kharab karte rahoge….kab tak???

4:08 PM Vijay: ham sab chal rahe hain

Raj: is jaal ka koi ant nahi hai re pushpaa

Vijay: par kya haasil karenge

4:09 PM i think…

that… life faaltu mein fast ho rahi hai

itni jaroorat nahi hai

4:10 PM hu ha india

aaaya india

itna fast jaa ke… itna paisa kama ke.. what do we aim to do…

4:11 PM Raj: u seem to be getting liberated

do u really mean wht u r sayin or just fcukin around wid me???

Vijay: i mean it

imagine…………..

Raj: u know my frend…..there’s a very subtle difference between doin wht u do and doin wht u shud do.

Vijay: …

Raj: doin wht u shud do…comes from ur heart..

4:15 PM Vijay: yes.. like lap dances

Raj: doin the thing tht makes u happy

Vijay: yes

they would make me happy

Raj: again u r getting cheaper

Vijay:

4:16 PM Raj: if u r craving for lap dance…then u r just cheatin ur self

Vijay:

Raj: tell me one thing…just one answer i want from u

4:17 PM wht in the world is the thing…u thik would make u happy if u do it…and u would like to do it always…..other than fax??

Vijay: watching birds

20 minutes

4:37 PM Raj: sale….main prerana hoon kya jo roonga

ya phir tulasi

Vijay: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuol_Sleng_Genocide_Museum

tu ye sab dekhta hai kya :-O

Raj: kya hai ye

4:39 PM Vijay: After the interrogation, the prisoner and his/her family were taken to the Choeung Ek extermination center, fifteen kilometers from Phnom Penh. There, they were killed by being battered with iron bars, pickaxes, machetes and many other makeshift weapons. Victims of the Khmer Rouge were seldom shot as bullets were viewed as too precious for this purpose.

Vijay: nopes

4:43 PM Raj: 1. You must answer accordingly to my question. Don’t turn them away.

2. Don’t try to hide the facts by making pretexts this and that, you are strictly prohibited to contest me.

3. Don’t be a fool for you are a chap who dare to thwart the revolution.

4. You must immediately answer my questions without wasting time to reflect.

5. Don’t tell me either about your immoralities or the essence of the revolution.

6. While getting lashes or electrification you must not cry at all.

7. Do nothing, sit still and wait for my orders. If there is no order, keep quiet. When I ask you to do something, you must do it right away without protesting.

8. Don’t make pretext about Kampuchea Krom in order to hide your secret or traitor.

9. If you don’t follow all the above rules, you shall get many many lashes of electric wire.

10. If you disobey any point of my regulations you shall get either ten lashes or five shocks of electric discharge.

4:44 PM Vijay: kaafi bhayanak prison tha yaar

Raj: pichale janam mein tu wahin par tha kya?

22 minutes

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Total filmy Bollywood chat :)

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